The Art of Coexisting

What is it that we yearn for, miss the most, when someone very close to us passes? 

I think it would be a bit of a lie to think or say that we communicated with him/her everyday. Because we don't and that is perfectly normal. So it is not really the conversations or the chats we miss. We are busy, grinding in the fight for survival and then ultimately very tired. It is not unusual that most days we have ended the day without conversing with our parents/spouse/lover/friends. I am not writing this along the lines of conscience pricking. But what is it that we really miss? When the person does not exist anymore. Why is it so painful and crippling? Why does it sometimes tear us apart from within? Especially if it is before time.  

It is because we miss the tangible. We miss the ability  to communicate, the idea that we can talk to them whenever we want. It is because we miss the tangible. We are no  longer able to do that. And, it is painful because we know we do not stand a chance anymore. They are not going to be there tomorrow, or the day after or the day next. It is this complete sense of realizing and internalizing the void that makes it so painful. We know, that this is it. We do not get to see them, hear their voice, touch them, talk or embrace. Maybe most days we would not do it anyway but we knew that the next day we could. Or maybe the next day or the day after. There was always the next day. It was in our control. 

Bu now that is gone and we no longer have that control. One fine day that person who was walking around in flesh and blood suddenly disappears and we know that he/she is not coming back. So we no longer have the control over our communications. We can no longer say to ourselves, okay we will chat over the weekend. 

That is precisely what the absence of the sense of control does. We believe we can manipulate the routine of things because it is in our control and then one day it is not anymore. All those pieces on five stages of grief bear witness to what I am writing. But this sense of control is some achievement-hungry idea. This is the control we like to have over the existence of the people we love and refuse to let go. We are in constant denial. there is no easy way out and I think the void stays. No matter how much consolation or rationalization we resort to, it stays until we learn to coexist.